When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
-- Dylan Thomas
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
department of transportation.
department of transportation.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!
Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.
is concerned.
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!
Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Monday, May 9, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Every why hath a wherefore.
-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized
that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but
James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
*thousands* of words to say it.
Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
major world power.
I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
the question of whether there is a God. So why didn't he just come right
out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but
James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
*thousands* of words to say it.
Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
major world power.
I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
the question of whether there is a God. So why didn't he just come right
out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
* "Moby Dick" -- Don't mess around with large whales because they symbolize
nature and will kill you.
* "A Tale of Two Cities" -- French people are crazy.
-- Dave Barry
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
The Least Successful Collector
Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She
was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had
amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the
works of Shakespeare.
One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond
legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The
remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She
was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had
amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the
works of Shakespeare.
One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond
legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The
remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
A: Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
A: Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
Monday, May 2, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To see his friend Gregory peck.
A: To see his friend Gregory peck.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
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