The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
-- John Milton
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Friday, January 28, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: Know what the difference between your latest project
and putting wings on an elephant is?
A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
and putting wings on an elephant is?
A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A: Zorn's Lemon.
A: Zorn's Lemon.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Monday, January 24, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Never laugh at live dragons.
-- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
-- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so
get used to it.
get used to it.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of
absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness
within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.
Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and
doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone
of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.
-- Shirley Jackson, "The Haunting of Hill House"
absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness
within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.
Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and
doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone
of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.
-- Shirley Jackson, "The Haunting of Hill House"
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.
-- Philip Larkin on Anthony Burgess
-- Philip Larkin on Anthony Burgess
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain
Friday, January 7, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil,
you will say that she did it with her teeth.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil,
you will say that she did it with her teeth.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
it can still be changed today.
it can still be changed today.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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