Saturday, April 30, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.
-- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"
-- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what
you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
-- Mark Twain
you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
-- Mark Twain
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A: Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
A: Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: God gave New Jersey first choice.
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: God gave New Jersey first choice.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
Oh, and have a nice day!
-- Bryce Nesbitt '84
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Friday, April 15, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
salesman.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to powerfail recovery.]
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
A: One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
Monday, April 4, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have to get back to you on that.
A: I'll have to get back to you on that.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break
the bulb in the first place.
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break
the bulb in the first place.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
There's small choice in rotten apples.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
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