Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
it can still be changed today.
it can still be changed today.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue-elephant gun.
A: With a blue-elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with
a blue-elephant gun.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!
Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31
A: Chicken Teriyaki.
Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?
A: Chicken Teriyaki.
Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
-- Mark Twain
-- Mark Twain
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
have a lucky day this year.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Daily Fortune Cookie from Mars
Q: What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A: You can't get down off an elephant.
A: You can't get down off an elephant.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
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